Tuesday, July 14, 2009
7 long months and I thought I would stay for good. But one says "we'll wait and see..." and the other nods. That probably explains the predicament I am in right now. I tried persuading myself first, trying to reason out to myself that it still, would be part of the whole thing. But I just can't accept it. I don't like it. Then I started telling that I didn't like it and they helped to persuade me a little. No help at all.l Thanks for the effort, though. So finally here I am, right here. waiting for that depressing day to finally come. Any idea how embarrassing it is to see it the last time for good? something you've touched for 7 months and you've to say goodbye forever. I hated it, now I'm not sure if I should. Imagining those faces when they see my backview makes me feel worse. Its just no use. I can't do it, means I can't. It really can't be helped. Just hope that a little effort I made to make it complete would be noticed. Pictures of their shocked faces just flashes through my mind. You've always been behind me but suddenly you aren't. I know its abit selfish but that's truely the way I feel. I am taken aback. Perhaps you're just better aesthetically. What you've done, though actually spurs me on to do well even more academically. I know, somehow, somwhere, I will love this big family that I am in right now. Leaving? Maybe not. Afraid of being laughed as a coward. I'll just persevere till the end and see what actually happens. Will I still like it, or will I not? A last deep sighof depressness
